Painful. Ure irreplaceable

:)

I am truly grateful for everything around me
Allah is so kind towards me
I think most of the times, I get everything that I want and I need
How I plan my life, it came true
Law of attraction is true. I think the concept is same as dua.
If I really really want somthing, I will look into it, talk about it, tell Allah that I want this and this and this. And I will tell my family, my friends about my dreams,
It doesn't matter if they laugh at my dreams.
Coz I know it will come to me
It just a matter of time
And I knew if I think positive, the result is positive
Allah mengikut sangkaan hambaNYA
Somehow I think I dont deserve this
I am sinful, reckless, damage but His blessing is endless.

Dua is a powerful weapon for muslim. We have Him, He is the richest. Go ask anything from him from the smallest thing to the biggest thing. Be specific about your dreams. He loves to hear it from you. Don't you think its the sweetest relationship ever.

Marriage

Marriage topic is hot at my age, most of us will talk about it when we hang out together and some of my aunties started to ask me when,who and you name it. I don't feel stress about it. But I wonder girls at my age making marriage as the ultimate purpose of life. Gais wake up, are you ready enough to be a responsible wife and mother, tolerate with your partner, sacrifice your freedom, forgive and lower your ego when he makes mistakes. You cant come to parents and ask them to scold your husband if you have small problem with him.. you can't trouble them, it's ur family. Settle it by yourself.

For me marriage is not easy, it's difficult. I read stories about failure marriage and witnessed few young married couples struggling to handle their kid. For me they are fine but I am not fine watching they handling baby who is constantly crying and yelling for simple things. I know a baby is just a baby, I did that too when I was a kid buttt what if I scold my child, I don't want to hurt them, they are innocent.

Okay put aside that story. Now lets talk about why I am afraid to get married. It's because of commitment. My life is already chaotic and I dont know whether I can give full commitment to my partner. I am afraid I can't be a good wife and mother to his children.

Next, life partner. What if he can't accept my flaws after marrying me for few years. What if I can't accept his flaws after knowing his true colour. I read about common problems in marriage such as, betrayal, financial problem etc. So what if I face it and can't I handle it

I don't think I'm being negative about it, I just be careful. It's not wrong and it's for my own good. But the problem now is like I have no desire for marriage since I am afraid with failure marriage. Marriage is sunnah and they said Nabi Muhammad will not accept us as ummah if we reject marriage.
I just don't know why, and I hope when the perfect time comes, I will be ready for it.

I am back

Omg, it has been ages I haven't update anything on my blog. I kinda miss it eventho I know no one reads it. Haha but I just wanna blogging again

So yeah, here I am. I am 22 y/o now. How fast time flies aite?
Alhamdulillah praised to Allah, I managed to enter pharmacy school and got a scholar :)
Next semester which will start next week will be my second last sem. Pejam celik I almost survive. Please gaisss play for atiqah will grad on timee,pass with flying colours be a good pharmacist. Yep.
I am considering myself to continue my studies to the next level which is master. It is one of my dreams. But thinking about my achievement in this cos is not so good, I dont think I am able to get an offer.. and mom told me to focus on what I do now and think about it later. If Allah permits, I'll have rezq to continue :)
To do master or phd is not easy. Its a lonely journey according to mysister, she's currently doing her phd so she advice me. So I dont think I am ready for it.
Anddd also talking about fourth year, I am freaking out! It'll be hectic as hell, not to forget fyp,non stop quizes and presentations and exam ! Fuhhh. It has not happened yet but I am afraid with everything, like the possibility of not being able to cope with it, the words what if, what if blaa blaa keep spinning on my head. That's the reason why I restart blogging cos I need motivation and my sister is sleeping cos its 5 am, and I need a wisdom words. I wonder why fear exist and why Allah created it.. Then I remember a verse from alquran which stated that Allah will test us with fear and hunger. And in the last ayat, He had mentioned He test it to see whether we have patience or not.. fear is bad but is good at the same time. We need it somehow.
Thanks to this blog cos it has so many reminders and after reading it I realised that I am not the same atiqah as before. I'm far away from the truth, careless and rarely think about akhirat. If you drown in the ocean of dunia, you will be worry because it will disappoint you and it's not eternal.

Its time to repair and reconstruct the heart back.

Last day

I looked at the sky
I saw the stars twinkle
I wish I could reach there
And pick one of the stars
And give it to you
To light up your day when you feel lonely
But I have no wings to bring me there
But an apple I left for you
To replace the star
An apple to tell you that you are the apple of my eyes
I wish you could read my mind
And again I have no power to do that.

I sat beside the window
Looked at the world outside the car
But it was too dark
And rain blurred the windows of the car
I could see nothing
But I saw my own reflection
It's time to go back
I brought nothing
But I have memories
Memories that I will hold it tightly for my personal keepsake.

school life

Time passes so fast.I miss school badly.The smell of new uniform is still fresh in my mind.More memories in my secondary school life,both sweet n bitter memories.I was a prefect during my lower form.Being prefect sometimes hard.Students hate us because for them we are hypocrite .We ask them to obey the rule but we broke the rule.we are prefect but we played truant..haha...I remember how hectic and busy my life when I was in 3b1..I miss my ex-classmates syira,eve,izza,ruhen,wen qi,cheng lik,chantiren..we all are crazy!
Then when pmr was around the corner.Everyone was stressed out  and struggle super duper hard..I still remember how I chilled myself with my bestfriends after got bad result for math..I remember I danced like Michael Jackson with Eve in toilet,sang at kh lab with Eve,pang wen qi,izza,n syera..gossip with eve about my first crush haha..I could still remember when I passed a letter with syera n izza during teacher Haslina taught us bm..and every morning I suffered from runny nose..my pale face with eyebags under my eyes and red nose cauze I sneezed all the times...n thats why they called me 'mayat hidup'.haha ..
I remember when Pmr was coming I was intensely emotional. I cried because my class was so noisy..then I took decision to do revision at home..
And now its all over.Time really flies
Truth be told no matter how much I complained and grumbled about life at school,friends attitude,homework and teachers ,deep down inside these wonderful people are very important in my life.thank you guys:)