Marriage

Marriage topic is hot at my age, most of us will talk about it when we hang out together and some of my aunties started to ask me when,who and you name it. I don't feel stress about it. But I wonder girls at my age making marriage as the ultimate purpose of life. Gais wake up, are you ready enough to be a responsible wife and mother, tolerate with your partner, sacrifice your freedom, forgive and lower your ego when he makes mistakes. You cant come to parents and ask them to scold your husband if you have small problem with him.. you can't trouble them, it's ur family. Settle it by yourself.

For me marriage is not easy, it's difficult. I read stories about failure marriage and witnessed few young married couples struggling to handle their kid. For me they are fine but I am not fine watching they handling baby who is constantly crying and yelling for simple things. I know a baby is just a baby, I did that too when I was a kid buttt what if I scold my child, I don't want to hurt them, they are innocent.

Okay put aside that story. Now lets talk about why I am afraid to get married. It's because of commitment. My life is already chaotic and I dont know whether I can give full commitment to my partner. I am afraid I can't be a good wife and mother to his children.

Next, life partner. What if he can't accept my flaws after marrying me for few years. What if I can't accept his flaws after knowing his true colour. I read about common problems in marriage such as, betrayal, financial problem etc. So what if I face it and can't I handle it

I don't think I'm being negative about it, I just be careful. It's not wrong and it's for my own good. But the problem now is like I have no desire for marriage since I am afraid with failure marriage. Marriage is sunnah and they said Nabi Muhammad will not accept us as ummah if we reject marriage.
I just don't know why, and I hope when the perfect time comes, I will be ready for it.

I am back

Omg, it has been ages I haven't update anything on my blog. I kinda miss it eventho I know no one reads it. Haha but I just wanna blogging again

So yeah, here I am. I am 22 y/o now. How fast time flies aite?
Alhamdulillah praised to Allah, I managed to enter pharmacy school and got a scholar :)
Next semester which will start next week will be my second last sem. Pejam celik I almost survive. Please gaisss play for atiqah will grad on timee,pass with flying colours be a good pharmacist. Yep.
I am considering myself to continue my studies to the next level which is master. It is one of my dreams. But thinking about my achievement in this cos is not so good, I dont think I am able to get an offer.. and mom told me to focus on what I do now and think about it later. If Allah permits, I'll have rezq to continue :)
To do master or phd is not easy. Its a lonely journey according to mysister, she's currently doing her phd so she advice me. So I dont think I am ready for it.
Anddd also talking about fourth year, I am freaking out! It'll be hectic as hell, not to forget fyp,non stop quizes and presentations and exam ! Fuhhh. It has not happened yet but I am afraid with everything, like the possibility of not being able to cope with it, the words what if, what if blaa blaa keep spinning on my head. That's the reason why I restart blogging cos I need motivation and my sister is sleeping cos its 5 am, and I need a wisdom words. I wonder why fear exist and why Allah created it.. Then I remember a verse from alquran which stated that Allah will test us with fear and hunger. And in the last ayat, He had mentioned He test it to see whether we have patience or not.. fear is bad but is good at the same time. We need it somehow.
Thanks to this blog cos it has so many reminders and after reading it I realised that I am not the same atiqah as before. I'm far away from the truth, careless and rarely think about akhirat. If you drown in the ocean of dunia, you will be worry because it will disappoint you and it's not eternal.

Its time to repair and reconstruct the heart back.