Painful. Ure irreplaceable

:)

I am truly grateful for everything around me
Allah is so kind towards me
I think most of the times, I get everything that I want and I need
How I plan my life, it came true
Law of attraction is true. I think the concept is same as dua.
If I really really want somthing, I will look into it, talk about it, tell Allah that I want this and this and this. And I will tell my family, my friends about my dreams,
It doesn't matter if they laugh at my dreams.
Coz I know it will come to me
It just a matter of time
And I knew if I think positive, the result is positive
Allah mengikut sangkaan hambaNYA
Somehow I think I dont deserve this
I am sinful, reckless, damage but His blessing is endless.

Dua is a powerful weapon for muslim. We have Him, He is the richest. Go ask anything from him from the smallest thing to the biggest thing. Be specific about your dreams. He loves to hear it from you. Don't you think its the sweetest relationship ever.

Marriage

Marriage topic is hot at my age, most of us will talk about it when we hang out together and some of my aunties started to ask me when,who and you name it. I don't feel stress about it. But I wonder girls at my age making marriage as the ultimate purpose of life. Gais wake up, are you ready enough to be a responsible wife and mother, tolerate with your partner, sacrifice your freedom, forgive and lower your ego when he makes mistakes. You cant come to parents and ask them to scold your husband if you have small problem with him.. you can't trouble them, it's ur family. Settle it by yourself.

For me marriage is not easy, it's difficult. I read stories about failure marriage and witnessed few young married couples struggling to handle their kid. For me they are fine but I am not fine watching they handling baby who is constantly crying and yelling for simple things. I know a baby is just a baby, I did that too when I was a kid buttt what if I scold my child, I don't want to hurt them, they are innocent.

Okay put aside that story. Now lets talk about why I am afraid to get married. It's because of commitment. My life is already chaotic and I dont know whether I can give full commitment to my partner. I am afraid I can't be a good wife and mother to his children.

Next, life partner. What if he can't accept my flaws after marrying me for few years. What if I can't accept his flaws after knowing his true colour. I read about common problems in marriage such as, betrayal, financial problem etc. So what if I face it and can't I handle it

I don't think I'm being negative about it, I just be careful. It's not wrong and it's for my own good. But the problem now is like I have no desire for marriage since I am afraid with failure marriage. Marriage is sunnah and they said Nabi Muhammad will not accept us as ummah if we reject marriage.
I just don't know why, and I hope when the perfect time comes, I will be ready for it.